Two

Maud: Pud?

Pause

Maud: Pud?

Pause

Maud: Pud?

Pause

Pud: What?

Maud: Your head is in the wrong place.

Pud: It's in completely the right place. At the end of my neck.

Maud: No. It's in the wrong place.

Pud: Where should it be? It would look ridiculous anywhere else.

Maud: That's not what I mean.

Pud: You think it should be on my bottom? How silly would that be?

Maud: I don't care where it is, as long as it's not in front of my face.

Pause

Pud: It's not in front of your face. It's on the end of my neck. Do you have head issues?

Maud: I just want to be seen by the camera. And you're in the way.

Pud: I'm not in the way. You are not the keeper of the kitchen, are you? I can sit where I want.

Maud sighs.

I have delivered an INSET day for teachers today. I had to leave the house at 7am. Consequently I am knackered worn out. Is it bedtime yet?