Communication Breakdown

When I sat in the rain the other day and pondered where I was and where I was going I cast my mind back to the thoughts last week of a little life laundry, thoughts of the day I sat in the park and how I needed to gently let some of the people in my life go as they seemed only to want me when I could be of service to them, well that day came yesterday and after a lot of though, as gently as I could, I asked some people to take me out of their phone directory and off their e-mail address book as it seemed to me there was little use of my being there.

I am sure some of you will be horrified that I would do such a thing, maybe questioning why I would or indeed could and I can only say that I did it because it felt like the right thing to do for me. All my life I tried to please people, for some of them me just being me was enough others I could never have pleased. Those few people that accept me and love me for who I am are the few people I want and need in my life, I realise now that they are the only ones that really know me and the only ones that really care about the person I am. They are few in number but that is all the better for it is they who I need to be able to give back to for everything that they have given to me over the years, their friendship, understanding, care and love.

I have spent the majority of my life wondering why I was never good enough, trying to please other people, one in particular. I realise now, that no matter what I did, what I achieved, or even the person I grew to become could I ever have been good enough. I hated myself for never gaining that approval, I hated the person I was, I actually believed what they told me that I would never amount to anything, that I was useless, little wonder I did not value myself nor have any self esteem or had little respect for myself.

I guess what I am trying to say is, that those few people that I trust implicitly and who know the extent of the events and who stuck by me through the worst of times are those to be held true forsaking all others.

The broken wires and the angry sky illustrate this parting, the angry reaction from a few, the calm before the storm perhaps from others. The silence from the remainder illustrated by the broken wires on the telegraph pole, all sitting next to the river where I feel closest to my friends.

Maybe its a little deep, maybe totally pedantic or pretentious, maybe you agree maybe you think I'm unwise, regardless I hope you see the shot for what it is, a reflection of a moment in time and a metaphor for the change that needed to be made. I hope you can enjoy it as a shot without my rhetoric and you dont think lesser of me for my entry today