In a former life I was

Simon Templar... but my halo slipped.

I'd have rather been The Man From U.N.C.L.E because he had a mate called Illya Kuryakin and who wouldn't want a mate called that?

Most of my friends have boring names like Charles, Bongo and Chester.

No offence.

I've had a haircut today. The hairdresser - who has cut my hair for a very long time - was quite exercised by something unrelated to my haircut. This has resulted in a very thorough working over of my locks.