I don't need a mirror to look at my new hat, dammi

Everything has been going wrong. here is a list of people that won't email be back: clients, people I want to buy stuff off, george weils customer service, O2s customer service (or the person in the shop, who said phone up, which wouldnt work, annd said to use the website,which was useless), boots pharmacy that wouldn't take my prescription and the doctors helldemon receptionist because i tried to make a same day appointment before 1.

There was only one thing to do: go swimming. after a good mile and a quarter I was alerted to it being badge day by a hysterical, heartbroken little girl. now, you know my feelings on swimming badges for the very small. she cried right until i came out of my cubicle, wailing 'its too late',her eyes and face red and puffy. truely, it was the end of the world. i wanted to hug her.

Her mum said 'she didn't get ducklings five' and I said to the little girl 'does that mean you have.. ducklings 4??' and she nodded in sorrow 'surely not! you are far too small to have FOUR duckling badges! I don't have ANY i think you must be very amazing at swimming'

and she did stop crying, even if it was to stop the scary red faced weirdo talking to her. And I thought of being small and wanting to earn a gold star at school so bad and I was never good enough, and I remember that my mother found out and bought me a bag of goddamn gold star stickers because no matter what I did she loved me and thought I was amazing, and vice versa, and any shred of good mothering I have comes from her.

And then it was past one so I could make the doctors appointment.

and then i came home aand there was a package and inside was a monkey hat for my doll, that debzb had made me, and I don't know why, but she said, its because your awesome, and I don't feel awesome because people that should want to sell be shit won't talk to me, let alone ones I want money off, but perhaps it's true... because we are all awesome. And that awesomeness is intrinsic, and no earn through badges, or gold stars.