PUB?

Had an amazing sleep today... I REALLY needed it after this weekend of parties and goodbyes!

Woke up and was painting the living room with mother. Thrilling stuff!

Spent the afternoon lazing, trying not to move as my whole body is in pain from the weekend and painting. Cooked in the early evening, and pub with the parentals. Watched K-PAX, one of my favourite Sci-Fi films!

I had a pretty emotional day today as well as an emotional train journey yesterday.
I said bye to Ollie yesterday, who's off to Canada for the year in a month. As much as it was a 'I'll see you before I go'... busy schedules won't allow it. but its easier to say face to face you will see each other I suppose.

I don't get emotional. but recently I've done a U-turn and become a bit over emotional for my liking!! Certainly not used to it, especially when my friends are far away and/or back at uni, no one is around for a hug and a pint... or 4.

But somehow.. writing on a blog for the whole world (I'm optimistic who looks on my blip) to see is easier than telling people what I feel I need to say. I think it's because you can't get a reply straight away... or something like that!

I'm sad to say goodbye. I find it hard to say goodbye... my last few years have been full of byes, from school to every year of university. And after you say bye for any length of time, people change, forget, ignore... all while I feel exactly the same (in most instances).

But it doesn't feel like the end... nothing was said to symbolise it's finished with... and I don't want it to be.. I'm scared of what I am meant to do after it is 'officially' ended. But I know it has to end. It's not fair otherwise, on anyone.

My head is full of things to say, some good, some bad, but, ultimately I don't officially know where I stand, and that's what is confusing me most of all.

If I was officially dating anyone, and they kissed another girl... well... I certainly would be angry. but if you're not dating someone... you're just.... something... where do you stand?

I don't know what to do, I seem to travel to see everyone, to London, to 'the north', visiting people at contests, or tournaments... whilst this year... no one's come to see me at home. and I know it's difficult, and expensive. But I seem to always manage it, strange. so strange.

I can't seem to put into words what I want to say, although the above essay could prove me otherwise. While I am a blunt person and incredibly sarcastic, when I'm hurt or upset... I am incredibly good at bottling up and putting on the bravest face ever. No one is the wiser.

but pub was nice. dinner was nice. film was nice. Nice.

Thank you to anyone who read this. These posts only occur once in a while.. I promise.