Lost

I have completed my Blip theme for the week set by my fellow blippers.

Today has been a hard day.... i was on a mental health course and one of the topics was anxiety, although i have a daily struggle i felt i was strong enough to deal with it today but i surprised myself that i couldnt. people were talking about how anxiety is light hearted and that this afternoon would be fun and a laugh and not as intense as the other tpoics we've covered. I'm not saying any mental health is more important than any other but i dont feel anxiety is light hearted and when my heart is racing so much im convinced its going to burst through my chest, my breathing gets shallow and rapid, i feel like my stomach is being rung out and im going to spew, my palms are sweating, arms are tingling, sometimes even completed paralysed apart from my mind which is like someone is flicking through the channels really fast i dont feel like im having fun. It resulted in me removing myself from the situation as i was on the verge of an attack. it scared me how much its still in my life... My main aim was not to let anxiety rule my life i wasnt going to learn to live with it...it was going to have to live with me.

Winston churchill used to talk about his black dog and i like his thinking of it.

I came home ran over the field to take a blip as id promised a graffiti one, id hoped to have captured something better but after today im exhausted and so frustrated with myself.

the support network i have is amazing and i am very lucky.....like every other time i survived even though at the time im completely convinced im going to die.