Gratitudes

Firstly I'm grateful that I'm able to be here in the Alps, I know its a privilege many don't have. More though, this trip especially, I'm grateful that I've learnt to find peace here without pushing myself to the edge, to simply appreciate my place in the wonder of it all.

Mostly this week however I've been grateful for true friendship.

Last year when I was told to prepare myself for the worst, when suddenly time's axe echoed close and I felt the call of the abyss, I knew to reach out for support, but I discovered I had less real friends than I thought. When I was no longer fun or useful the fair-weather friends disappeared, didn't call, just vanished. As it is for many of us with abuse in our past I thought for too long it was me - and that in turn made it worse for a while, hard to hold. And yes, I know it really says more about them than me, but its not always easy to see that in the dark.

But. True friends turn up. It gets better.

Once we found out I'd been misdiagnosed we made plans to have adventures, climb mountains, make memories.

And then a freak transient accident and all that was gone.
I gave S the chance to cancel, told him I'd be severely limited, possibly not mobile at all. I felt awful - he's a 9-5, he was so looking forward to finally getting up high....and he just laughed, of course he still wanted to go, things change, but it's time shared that really matters. We swapped remote Norway for the safe familiarity of the Alps and off we set.
He's been a star this week - headed out most days on his own, come back to food beer and a oh so slightly more mobile me each day. We've done tourist stuff, watched stupid movies and laughed - a lot.

Today we finally made a memory - albeit a 'baby' alpine route - 600m of difficle climbing. It felt great to teach him new skills, adapt rock climbing to mountaineering, guidebooks into route finding, to discovering that getting down can often be more difficult that getting up. The knee liked up, wasn't as keen on down - but it was a price well worth the paying.
I'm immensely grateful for the good people I know.