Ready for her first day of school

I try to write from the heart, with emotion, with a sense of understanding. I mean I’m a parent and my children have been treated in Yorkhill, so surely I must know what it’s like to be the parent of a really sick child?

However I’m a fake. A caring fake, but a fake as I’ve never experienced anything like what Sam and Ross have been through with their daughter Isla pictured above (read Sam’s Story below).

Neither have I had to spend weeks on end in hospital like Karen and Chris did with Summer. And when I then think of Sine and Fraser’s loss, I could weep as Aila, their precious daughter, looks an awful lot like Zoey did at that age and I just can't imagine the pain in their hearts and it chokes me just looking at Aila's picture.

People often mention that my writing brings tears to their eyes or a quivering lip, however as I sat and read Sam’s blog yesterday it was my turn for tears and I simply had to share her story.

Tears as she talks about the people like Sine and Fraser who have lost something so precious, it can never be replaced.

Tears of joy as I read her talk of Isla skipping into her first day at school, a day they could never be certain of. And then more tears when I read what she wrote about The Kiltwalk.

You see I used to think The Kiltwalk was just about raising money, which of course ultimately it is. However I didn’t appreciate the intangible benefits of The Kiltwalk, if that’s the right words to use.

I now realise it gives people a sense of purpose or provides hope. It allows the parents and family of children, who have received great treatment, to say thank you when words just aren’t enough. It also allows people who feel they can never smile again, to walk in the name of their child, in the hope no other parent has to suffer like they have.

I’ve said more than enough, so please sit back and enjoy Sam’s story.

Sam’s Story

I've just sat down at the computer after eating my breakfast, I've uploaded this morning’s photos to the computer, and I'm sat here now trying to make sense of the many emotions I'm feeling just now.

Today is a big day for us - Isla's first day of school. I'm a little bit lost without my best friend at my side, supporting each other. Ross is a few hundred miles away across the North Sea on his first stint with his new job. I know he'll be feeling lost being so far away from her.

I keep thinking back to a comment that was made to us in hospital over 4 years ago, when Isla started to get better after being seriously ill, when she started smiling and making happy sounds after weeks of lying unwell with a cry or a moan as her only sounds. The doctor said to us "bet you never thought you would see her smile again", or something to that effect. I was thinking, I never thought I wouldn't.

What was harder to imagine for us was her being just like lots of 4/5 year old's in Scotland today and going to school perfectly healthy.We were lucky that after Isla pulled through from her first couple of chemotherapies, suffering multiple infections, being close to organ failure, suffering with chylous ascites, the rest of her treatment was easier. It wasn't a breeze, but we never had the scary times again that we had at the start of treatment.

We will always be so grateful to the care Isla received on Schiehallion Ward at Glasgow's Yorkhill hospital. They really did look after our baby girl, carefully getting her through the worst, so we could experience the best.

When walking the Hampden Kiltwalk this year, we had to walk through the grounds of Yorkhill, once I got round to the front of the hospital I couldn't walk fast enough to get out of there, so many memories came flooding back, I'm sure that's why I experienced a panic attack later on in the walk. I was taken aback at the emotions that were triggered just walking through the grounds.

We spent a lot of time in hospital that first year from diagnosis, and many times after being allowed home from hospital or after a clinic visit, our time at home was cruelly robbed away with mysterious temperatures, infections etc and back to hospital we went. When our stays in hospital did come to an end I treasured all my time at home with Isla; enjoying our days just sat cuddling on the sofa with a DVD, baking, adventures, lunch out with daddy. Ross has been lucky that he's got to spend a lot of Isla's life with her too since having terminal leave with the RAF.

Since the day the C word entered our lives, I vowed to take life 'one day at a time'. It gave me the strength to get through the worst. Maybe it's why I never really imagined today up until recently. I've been scared to picture today in case it was cruelly taken away from us, like it has to so many of the families we've got to know. Unfortunately too many families suffer from a diagnosis of childhood cancer, and the worst happening. I can never think of our journey with Isla without thinking of all the other families we've met, and what they've had to go through, and the loss they've suffered.

We are extremely grateful to the universe that we've reached today and Isla walked into school without a care in the world or a glance back at mum!

I'm going to enjoy the afternoons this week, before Isla is full-time at school next week. I know how lucky I am that we're getting this time together. In less than two weeks time I'll be doing my third Kiltwalk this year, and my second Speyside Kiltwalk. The walk is not easy, but I know it's easier than Isla's journey, and so many other children and their families suffering from illness and loss. I will think of that when I'm struggling on my walk. I will be reflecting, it will get me through, hopefully Ross will be home to be at my side, supporting each other.

The Kiltwalk is exactly that, supporting families suffering with childhood illness in Scotland. Hopefully, many families like ours will know the support of the charities that the Kiltwalk helps, and many families will also realise just how special a first day of school is.

If you want to sponsor Sam, you can do so at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/simpsons4logan