Arachne

By Arachne

Zeus and the anaerobic digester

About nine months ago, next door's Gen Zer acquired a huge puppy, to add to her parents' two very yappy terriers.
(Disclosure: I am not an animal lover, and I think domestic animals and cities rarely combine well.)
 
Nine months on, absolutely the only thing I like about this inadequately trained dog is its name: Zeus. Now, I know that it's not the dog I should hate but its owners, but the owners are my neighbours, N&J, and it's important that we get on, so when Zeus barks furiously, every single time I go into my garden, it's him I hate. For quite a while, N&J's garden table was against my fence and Zeus would stand on it to let me know, head to head, that my garden was his territory. I asked N&J to move the table away but that didn't happen until my neighbours on the other side said they were frightened Zeus would get into my garden then theirs and attack their children.
 
At least recently, if N&J or their Gen Zer hear Zeus bark, they've called him inside.
 
On Thursday, I overheard the Gen Zer say, 'I tried to like you, I really did.' Could she possibly be talking to Zeus? Is there any chance at all (oh please, all the other gods on Olympus) that Zeus will be re-homed?
 
Meanwhile, quite independently, I had decided to abandon my anaerobic digestion system, in which I water-rot weeds in old dustbins to kill the seeds and roots before I put them on the compost heap, then use the shamefully smelly liquid by-product as fertiliser. Like untrained dogs, it's not appropriate for small urban gardens.
 
On Friday, I heard N say, at the end of his garden right next to my water-bins, 'God, it really stinks down here.' I think he thought the cause was the combination of three dogs and his astro-turf (don’t think about that too hard), but it occurred to me that if I got my timings right and eliminated the stench they don't know I am responsible for at the same time as the dog went (oh please, please, all the other gods on Olympus - I will offer up libations with the aroma of ambrosia), it might make them think they’d made the right decision. So over the last two days I’ve emptied two of my three water-bins, then today I put the slime from the last one onto my compost heap between torn-up layers of cardboard, and emptied the liquid fertiliser it had created onto the garden. By tomorrow the evil stench should have dissipated.
 
I really, really hope I've heard the last of Zeus too.

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