Hang on to your hats...

Urgent Notice

It has been reported that the notorious couple, Sue Narmi and Dee Zaster, have arrived in the area for a short holiday.  Women are advised to keep a close watch on any sons, husbands or partners between the ages of 18 and 30 and preferably keep them indoors until further notice.  Any men between those ages living on their own should stay in their homes with doors locked and curtains closed for their own safety.  Fast Food takeaways and Wine Bars are advised to close for the duration but if that is not practical, they should ensure they have ordered copious extra stocks of food and drink to ensure they do not antagonise the couple.

If you see them do not approach but if cornered, do not turn away from them and step backwards slowly and carefully.  If they show any signs of approaching, an offer of a Pork Pie or a glass of Port and Lemon may calm them long enough to get away.

An 'All Clear' will be sounded once it is known they have left the area.

Posted Silly Saturday, 5th July 2025.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this notice, call The Red Lion and ask for a large Gin and Tonic to be brought round.