you decide on the title

It obviously needs to be silly or full of awe and wonder. This is an organic cabbage picked not two minutes ago by Jane herself. Luckily she has strong arms to drag this planet sized beasty, kicking and screaming, to the kitchen (The cabbage was kicking - Jane was screaming).
I don't care what the news says I think it will be stuffed full of cabbagy goodness.
I collected pea sticks from the ancient church yard and had to stop for ages whilst a nice old chap passed judgement. He pronounced them to be very fine pea sticks.