Herself to the End

I am overwhelmed and touched by the response to the photo I posted yesterday. I stayed up till nearly 1 a.m. and when I woke this morning I couldn’t believe all the kind words, hearts, and stars. Thank you, on behalf of both of us. I am off to today’s activities and won’t respond to all the comments that came in after I went to sleep, though of course I have read them. Wow. I am deeply grateful for that cascade of kindness. Thank you, every one.

Then I want to say something about this remarkable book written by someone I knew well when I taught at Smith in the late 80s, early 90s. Fran Volkmann was the Dean of Faculty at that time, and I sat in her office sobbing on several occasions when I was exhausted and drained. No more of that except to say that Fran comforted me and gave me the courage to persist until I broke free and went to Africa.

Much to my surprise, Fran developed a deep and very loving relationship after I had left Smith. In 2021, Fran’s partner was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and the book charts their discussions, their fears and hopes, and Joan’s decision to take her life gently but persistently by Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking (VSED). Fran supported Joan, although it was not what Fran wanted. The book covers, day by day, how they worked together with the help of their community; and how Joan kept her intention to remain herself to the end. 

My beloved grandmother chose this ending for herself, but she had no support and was besieged by people in the nursing home who wanted to change her mind. After reading this book I am astonished that Ouija was able to achieve it. I am not recommending VSED, of course. But if you are curious about how it works and how two people made it happen with the help of their close friends, this is the book. A Kindle version can be acquired from the billionaire’s site. A paper version must be ordered from a bookstore and shipped out, and there’s an article about the book here. If anyone wants a paper version, let me know in the comments and I’ll add the email address of the bookstore, where you can make those arrangements (easier for people in the USA, I’m sure, given postal costs).