Kayaking...

I'm not sure how much eight people can laugh but we gave it such a good shot today. When FT suggested we go kayaking I decided that the stories of last time they went sounded like so much fun and surprisingly dry! that I had to have a go. I've not been in a canoe since I was at school and I've never been in one with someone else...

Well... FT and I started with such Olympic standards that Mr Redgrave would have been impressed with our skill. Alas, due to such epic paddling in our little boat we missed the first capsize of the day. Gutted!! Emma and Brian were in over their heads as they attempted to get in their kayak on the shore. We might not have witnessed it but we laughed a lot at the vision of Emma looking like a drowned rat whilst standing knee deep in the loch in her soggy red jacket as Brian wandered off to check the car key still worked! It did... phew!

So all was going well... off we paddled down towards the open water... of course if I could remember my left and right I think we may have been a little faster on our journey. We were streaks ahead which was probably just as well given that when we were caught up by Steve and Harry we were having such a carry on that within about two minutes I could feel the balance was all wrong... in we went!

Now bear in mind that all the way round we could see the bottom, at one point FT flicked up a paddle full of pond weed to add some glamour to our particularly fetching look. It was remarkably shallow at some points but I fear that may have been our arses doing so I wasn't at all concerned about falling in. Except the bit we fell in was properly deep! The shock of the cold water and the realisation that I couldn't touch the bottom gave me a bit of a panic attack. I'm a pretty good swimmer but I got such a fright with the depth and my inability to stand up that I started to hyperventilate never attractive! I could hear everyone else giggling as my rational brain fucked off downstream and all I could think of was that I had Cam's camera stuffed down my cleavage and was really hoping it hadn't fallen out.

Was there a bank so we could get back in the boat? Was there buggery! Just reeds on both sides... at this point I'm saying OMG over and over thinking I wish I'd worn the wetsuit!! So we made it to the side, fished out the camera and thankfully there was a squishy ledge (I'm talking about the bank now!) and as soon as we hit it the shakes stopped, my breathing went back to some semblance of normality and I was instantly warm. Really strange. Then I started to laugh I suspect hysteria when the panic stopped and we have laughed a lot since. The lesson here is not to fanny around unless you know you're in shallow water!

So we got back in our kayak, dripping wet, still laughing but we weren't really balanced as well as we could have been cause we wobbled a lot on the way back. FT proclaimed that one of my tits must be heavier than the other cause that's the only possible explanation for our excess weight on the right hand side! If nothing else they make great built in buoyancy aids!

Our next adventure awaits!

N.B. farting in a puddle will not make you go any faster but it does create bubbles, vibrations and a lot of laughter!