Distractions

I cant believe i didnt wake up til nearly 10am. I didnt sleep well so glad of the extra time.

I've tried to distract myself today by packing having fun trying on holiday clothes... It didn't work.

In fact Today I spent all day packing. Packing, washing, ironing, trying on outfits, sitting in the loo pretending I was in the carriage of the train and that it wasn't claustrophobic at all. In fact it was all quite normal and homely.

In fact so rubbish was my attempt to pretend the train and tunnel are as homely as my loo that I actually spent most of the day on the loo with award winning upset tummy. Followed by moments of sickness and many hours of uncontrollable sobbing.

Husband came home early and was shocked I appear to have achieved nothing today other than pack half a bag of clothes. If only he knew. I won't say though. It's not fair. He works so hard and deserves a lovely holiday. No need to ruin it with my stupidness.

Husband baked a cake this evening... A great rarity for him. He is trying to make me happy. He even opened a bottle of red. I never drink at home ... That's not helped either.

I have just realised its now time for bed. Tomorrow will be my last day. Tomorrow night will be my last sleep and the time to face my fear will have arrived. I feel VERY lonely. No one has any idea how horrendous this is for me. It chokes me. I know how ridiculous ungrateful and pathetic I sound. I am fully aware of that. I still can't help it though. My tummy is churning. Oh how lovely to throw my boys in the car and run away.

All I can think about though is what Claire said on Friday. I really wish she hadn't.