How was your holiday? Has your liver recovered?

-

You joke, but it honestly took me about a week before I felt normal again.
It wasn’t just the drink, but also the late nights.

We didn’t get to bed until after 2am four nights in a row, one of which was a 6am job.

Then up again the next day for “family folk fest” at lunchtime.

It was like The Walking Dead but with fiddles and accordions.


You will note there is talk of going to see Mad Max. Let me know what you think.

I actually remember going to see the last Mad Max movie at the cinema 30 years ago.

I am THAT old.

-

Mad Max sounds good. Let me know when you are thinking of going to see it.

My only hesitation is that I have seen two IMAX movies and I felt ill after both of them with motion sickness.


You know you sound like an old man when you are talking about “the drink” and “late nights”?

In fairness I feel your pain. Even the thought of a double header of heavy drinking is enough to tip me over the edge.

However, you need to stop talking like an old dude or da yoof will start laughing at you.

-

In fairness to me I AM effing old.

When my dad was my age, I thought he was bloody ancient, so I think I’m doing well.

Just be grateful that I don’t yet own a pair of slippers or “potter about in the shed.”

Oh all right, we can do it non-IMAX.

I say that because the IMAX window is closing and it would need to be this week, which is not going to happen because this week is all about moving flats.

We are going on Saturday and we are so not organised.

We went down on Saturday to move furniture around and also cat-protect the sofa.

Well, that was the plan.

In actuality it was sabotaged by Ronnie.

Caro invited him along to have a quick look and then go –
but he dangled about getting in the way and peppering Caro with questions like:
“Do you think the removal men bring their own boxes?”
“Where will you get your milk?”
“What’s the bus that takes me to Leith Walk?”

Since she was trying to move wardrobes while all this was going on,
I could see the red mist coming down and decided to call time on the venture after 90 minutes.

It is never good to start your time in a new flat with a homicide.

Meanwhile, I put out litter boxes for the cats, with soiled litter in.

This is something you have to do for cats.

They are less stressed moving to a new place if their smells are already there.

So essentially the most productive thing I did this weekend was
Sh!t Arrangement.

Fortunately, my time working at SLI had prepped me well for that role.

I’ve waffled on. I am bored.

Let me know about free nights for the film and I’ll set it all up.

-

I can do 3D, but IMAX makes me feel hungover without the fun part of being drunk first.


How about next Thursday?

I’m not going to give you options of free days because we just get confused and it becomes difficult.

I will offer an alternative if that doesn’t suit.


When are you going to start living in your new pad?

Have you sold yours?

What is happening?

-

Okay, next Thursday 28th it is. I will let Lisa know.

I have heard that men’s rights groups in the US are up in arms about Mad Max.

Apparently it is a feminist action film, so I am fearful that you & Lisa will get all fired up after seeing it and beat the sh1t out of me.


We are moving into the new flat on Saturday, then start fixing up the place in Leith.

Then get it valued & on the market in June.

This is two months later than I had planned, but I am choosing to blame Caro for this.


Do not tell her.


-


Fearful or fantasising?


I don’t resort to physical violence. I prefer the slow burn of abuse disguised as ‘banter’!

I find it is always useful to blame someone for plans which have gone awry.

You can have mini soap box rants in your head.

Just remember to internalise your ‘moving rage’ and avoid the situation where both of you are organising the same thing together.

It will only lead to discord.



Even miracles take a little time
(Fairy Godmother, Cinderella)

Highbrow, I know!

-

Yes, you have caught me out.

It is my fantasy that you & Lisa beat me with sticks, then stamp on my willy.

It is every man’s dream.

The movie is on at 8.15 at the Dominion that night.

It is not in IMAX or 3D, but on the plus side: Dominion + wine.

I’m willing to make that compromise.


If our move goes like Disney, with happy critters putting up curtains, that would be awesome.

Although I will settle for Punky not doing a stress-sh1t and leaving it in the bed.