28-01-2015

Hello,

I have been rubbish and not emailed for a while. I think I am just out of the habit.

 Plus. Also. You are rubbish too. So it is not all my fault.
We are moving. We have secured a flat in Stockbridge. You’d think this would be easy, but if you go onto flat rental websites for Edinburgh, you get 200+ results, but then you add “pet friendly” and it drops to 3 and they are all in Pilton.

 Fortunately, a mate of mine who has a dog is going travelling, so I knew her flat in Stockbridge would be coming up for rent in April when she leaves (the dog is going to stay with her ex-boyfriend).

It is actually perfect for us. I love Stockbridge. Danube Street was the first place I ever lived in Edinburgh. This one is on Raeburn Place, basically Stockbridge high street, opposite the Scotmid.

 It’s kind of small, only 1 bedroom and one of those tiny bathrooms with a sink that looks like a soup-bowl with a tap, but that’s fine.

 It’s only £550 a month so that will allow us to keep saving.
And in another bit of plans-coming-together, Caro’s cousin might want to buy our place in Leith. All this subject to valuation of course, but that would certainly take the stress out of getting rid of the place.

 In theory, if she bought in April we’d maybe only have a month or so of both rent + mortgage for us, which would be a good thing.

I am sick today. I got a cold at the weekend, not helped by going drinking with Reg on Sunday afternoon. I knew it was a bad move, but I’ve made excuses the last 3 times we were supposed to meet and so didn’t want him to get the idea that I was ducking him.

 So I’m sick today because of friendship. I’m a martyr, Carol. Kind of Jesus-like, if you will.


So yes. That is my news.

Things are happening. I am very sick. You are rubbish. Email me.

-


Hello yourself!

In a freaky bit of timing, I was just putting the finishing touches to an email to you which I shall cut & paste below. I’m not sure what this means. Maybe we are psychically connected. If this is the case, don’t judge me on my sexual fantasies. Some people just like being peed on.

Incidentally, MY email to you was way longer than yours to me. In terms of words, this means I am winning at email. You must do better.

I have watched Breaking Bad! All of it! I may be one of the few people in the world who thought that series 2 & 3 dragged on a bit. But series 4 onward are bloody excellent. I loved the old Mexican dude with the bell. You’ll know him when you see him. And Jesse Pinkman will have you mentally ending every sentence you speak to anyone ever with the word “b1tch.” So you are allowed to tell your PM, “I’ll be finished with this TWS scheduling by Wednesday, b1tch” and if he knows you are watching Breaking Bad, he cannot complain.

The spin-off series Better Call Saul has just started. I’ll let you know what I think of that. Caro’s new favourite show is Forever, which is like a cross between Highlander and Quincy as it is about a police medical examiner who also happens to be immortal. It is surprisingly not at all cr*p even though it sounds stupid.

Anyway, here is my much longer-than-yours email. Winning.


-


The cake is ace!




Live long and prosper


You are more awesome than an awesome possum.



I properly laughed out loud.

-


Sorry, I am having to reply to you in between stupid meetings today.

Glad you like the cake. It is nowhere near as good as the ones you produce, but I need you to know that I do try REALLY HARD. It was very annoying that you emailed me on Monday as I thought you might mention something to spoil the surprise. I was willing you to go away and not mention the word “birthday” or the c-word*.

It was lovely seeing Keith again. He is as funny as ever and made his gallstone operation sound hilarious. I’m quite sure it was not.
In other news, Caro has a new doctor client whose name is Phanny Raj. This has led to some hilarity along the lines of, “I’m in a terrible mood today, it must be fanny radge” or “I’ve a terrible craving for chocolate, Fanny Radge must be visiting again.”



I hope someone is taking you out to lunch and that you are getting properly spoilt at home.

*By which I mean “cake.” Obviously.

-

I LOVE the cake.


It’s funny. I was worried that you were narked with me on Monday as you weren’t your usual communicative self. I hadn’t realised that you were on a secret squirrel mission!


I would love it if my doctor had that name. The fun you could have…

-
Oh – sorry about that. No, I was just trying really hard not to keep the conversation going.


But isn’t your name Carol Allan, prone to Carol-Allanish behaviour? 
If you think I’m narked aren’t you just supposed to say,


“What the eff is wrong with you today? Fanny radge is it???”

-


I have actually been holding back sending you random thoughts for the past couple of weeks for aforementioned squirrel reasons.

One that I really REALLY thought you needed to hear about was a theory from my friend Marian. We went out for drinks last week and got talking about swearing. She has a theory that all you need to do to make a rude word 10 times ruder, is to add the word “flaps” to it.


It totally works! Try it for yourself, preferably in an Agile planning session.