Hello,

I know you are on holiday now, and just so you know I totally hate you for it. But that is not my point.

The point is that AMERICAN HORROR STORY is back on the telly. I started it last night, but then Caro came in and I had to switch it off. She could handle Coven but this new one Freak Show is much too scary for her. She only saw a picture of the evil clown online and even that freaked her out.

Lisa is the same. Apparently she had to watch series 1 & 2 in the middle of the day and even then had bedtimey sleepy issues after seeing them. So I have to watch this latest series on my own. In the dark. It is the only way.

I think you will like it. I am not going to spoil it at all for you, but Sarah Paulson is amazing. And of course, I love Jessica doing her Marlene Dietrich bit.

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Yaaaaay. It starts tonight on regular TV.

I still haven’t watched series 1 & 2. I must do that.

Post-holiday misery.

Ugh.

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Food sounds good. Shall we meet at Bar Soba? That way we can either stay in for noodles, or round the corner for haggis, or over the road for Turkish.

Plus they do mojitos in there. Strangely I have gone right off the thought of pizza though…

What time is good for you? 8pm? I do not wish to rush you and am aware you have to do “chick” things like picking out the right clothes and going to the toilet, like 20 effing times.
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Frankly, that image is quite unwelcome. Especially after the lacy underwear post on FB!

I had a lovely break – went to Maurice’s parents. Put on 3 stone in 2 days and had to be winched out. Did lots of things with the kids. Maurice and I had people round for dinner on Saturday. Had jugs of mojitos for arrival. Two of the girls were asleep just after midnight (one at the dinner table who then keeled over sideways off her chair). They had to be taken home by their husbands. Dora and Dougie stayed until 3, but Dora said she created a pavement pizza when she got out of the taxi at her house.

Note to self – do not annihilate dinner guests with mojitos

I am still on for Thursday. We could grab some food if you like?

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Hahahahaha, we can’t go to Bar Soba. My team is having a night out there.  

Might look a bit odd if we are sitting at a different table.

I will check when Maurice will be home. I will be starving by 8!

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So if I understand this correctly, you have scheduled me so that you can legitimately say to your team, “Oh I’m SOOOOOO sorry, I can’t make it out that night due to another appointment. Wish I could get out of it but can’t. What a pity!”

I feel so used.

I chose Bar Soba at random but you can choose the venue if you like. I’m aware it would be handier for you if it was over your side of town which is totally fine with me, but I don’t know anything over there. Newington is like this big blank in my Edinburgh map.

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Au contraire. I told them that I wasn’t coming because I didn’t want to!

I probably would have gone if I hadn’t been going out with you, but they don’t need to know that.

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You know I am completely postponeable if you want to go to Bar Soba, right?

I would hate to think I was causing a breakdown in team bonding.

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Nope it’s fine. I’ll get superglue if I need to bond!

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Okay then just let me know where/when you would like to meet. If not already apparent, I am totally cruisey on the subject.

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Ok, let's meet at 7.15

You originally suggested the whisky place in Queen St. I am happy to go there. Also happy to go to David Bann’s if you want a full veggie choice.

Don’t actually care!

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Whisky place it is. Only problem is that if you get there first they will not let you in because you are not a member.

Shall we meet in that bar that used to be O’Neill’s? I think it is called Number 99 now or something w&nk like that. I can then escort you round the corner.

Your lack of concern is deeply upsetting.

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Just to warn you, if I don’t eat by about 8.30, I will chew your arm off.

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If the whisky club are slow, I will buy you a bag of chips.

Which reminds me. A complaint has been raised by one of Caro’s co-workers because CARO ATE HER CRISPS at a night out. Caro has since reimbursed said complainant with a bag of replacement crisps, and the matter has been resolved. But I found that quite funny.

The complainant has also raised another official complaint about another co-worker for “getting drunk and saying VAGINA loudly in a restaurant.” When asked to desist, she then shouted “FANNY.”
I was p1ssing myself. Caro just rolled her eyes.

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Was the crisps complaint official?

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I suspect it would have been, if Caro hadn’t smoothed things over with a bag of ready salted the next day.

You wouldn’t believe how petty things get at Caro’s office. She was also told off for “turning up the air-conditioning to drown out noisy chick on phone.” 

Note, no manager ever told noisy chick to keep it the eff down.