01-09-2014

What is even more rubbish is that you are at work on a Monday. I do hope your colleagues are being considerate and not singing songs at you that will get stuck in your head forever. “Club Tropicana” by Wham!, for example, would be just cruel.

My grumpiness at being stuck out here is totally karma getting its revenge I know. I now appreciate my selfishness and will attempt to get a job back in town. I wonder if KFC is hiring servers?

Monday has been rubbish in other ways too. I have sciatica which is Latin for “sore @rse cheek” and have to sit on the wonk today. Plus, the toilet overflowed this morning, and I whacked my head looking for the plunger. Then the rubber bit on the plunger came off in the toilet and I had to fish about for it, which was pleasant. 

Then I dropped my toothbrush, but couldn’t bend due to sciatica and nearly cried. Then Jasper came to “help” and I shouted at him and then felt guilty because he did a big flop on the floor which is what he does when he thinks he has been bad.


Long story short, I was in work late this morning due to giving Jasper a guilt-cuddle. Oh well at least at Club Tropicana drinks are freeeeeeeeeee…

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I have Monday blues but your misery has just cheered me up.


I actually can’t remember the tune so that was an Epic Fail.

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And now I have it stuck in my head. And I HATE Wham!


I loathe life.

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Hey, I was thinking about this time last Christmas

Oh, Last Christmas – that’s a song.

Try not to let it get into your head.
That would be rubbish.


You would have to give it away

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Not only is the song in my head, I can actually see Pepsi & Shirley cavorting in the snow with Andrew Ridgely.


I totally hate you.

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Hahahahaha


I feel I have achieved something today

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It’s like being best mates with an Evil Genius.


Now I know how Will Graham feels.

I like giraffes too.

There’s this hotel in Kenya where you can stay and they have cheeky giraffes that stick their head through the window and steal your breakfast. I can’t tell you how much I would love that.


p.s. How can you NOT know Club Tropicana? This is bothering me. You were a Duran fan, weren’t you? I’ll bet that’s it.

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I would know it but I can’t think of it at the moment and I’m NOT going to make an effort to remind myself.

My giraffe will haunt you with catchy and annoying tunes. Tonight you will dream of Kylie singing ‘I Should Be So Lucky’ on repeat.

This is my design.

PS I wasn’t a Duran fan. Didn’t mind Wham. Loved ABBA, Neil Diamond, Suzanne Vega and Scritti Politti.

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That’s a pretty eclectic mix. I liked ABBA too and you know about my personal relationship with The Kids from Fame. 

I had an embarrassing number of albums by The Thompson Twins and Howard Jones as well.

I was also into Depeche Mode, but unfortunately this was before they went gothy and cool—back when they did catchy plinky-plonk tunes on their synthesisers that you now hear on adverts. Back in the day, I nearly got my hair dyed like Dave Gahan but this was vetoed by my mother. 

I say vetoed. In actuality, she laughed so hard I went and hid in my room for a week.


p.s. “This is my design.” That made me splutter into my coffee.

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Have you seen Manhunter? It’s the movie they made about Lecter in the 1980s. As a result, it’s got horrific Miami Vice–style music, but other than that it is very good.

It’s the Red Dragon story, but William Petersen from CSI played Will Graham and he’s my favourite WG—not quite as unbalanced as the telly one and way better than Edward Norton in the remake. Brian Cox plays Lecter and he’s really good too.

I have it on my big box of films if you are suffering from Hannibal withdrawal.

I now have this bloody great giraffe standing behind me and humming Crockett’s Theme from Miami Vice.

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And yes I have seen Manhunter. It’s very good but I heart Mads Mikkelsen.

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I think he looks a bit lizard-ey. I couldn’t believe the lovely Gillian Anderson went off with him at the end. You chicks, tch.