Unknown Roads

Portishead - Roads

It was a day… tried to keep it normal as much as possible, tried to keep it suppressed. It was my friend’s funeral.

Seeing him physically for the last time… some friends wrote and posted messages pretty quickly. I just stayed still. Not knowing really what to say, trying to remember as much as possible but knowing that sharing the memories would only be for myself. I always fail at action.

I’m slow, and things are in slow motion. I kept quiet during the proceedings. Decided to drink tonight, and got drunk. I rarely drink these days because I know I lose control. Today was an exception. My mind broke out of the shell and gushed out waves of sadness. Waking into the late night by myself, the lights began to melt, my body moving forward in sporadic directions trying to keep control. It was wading through thick oil, blurring into black roads and white lines, the lights at the end of the tunnels blurred out of focus.

I can’t see my friend forever, only remnants of what’s left in my mind… and that too, will disappear.