Friday

I went into town to meet the peer support coordinator. She reached out to me as she knew my peer support J is away just now. 
I really appreciated her doing this and was looking forward to the chat. But, as she knew I was thinking and stressing about volunteering she thought she'd look at things with me. But as it was just on her phone she was finding things, reading them out etc. This is her job; researching, looking for things that benefit people with mental health so she was on full steam ahead and I was getting very overwhelmed. It wasn't the hour I was expecting. She emailed every link she found afterwards and I can't bear to open them. 
I know she was only trying to help. 

Walked back along Princes St and saw this dog with its owner sitting selling the big issue. I stopped and just took it in and it did make me smile. 

Totally overwhelmed still, my heart is pounding and really agitated. Already banged my head several times and am desperate but trying so very hard not to cut. 
Why am I like this.