Dread.

I screamed and shouted, but it was no good.
I was going to have to look after a 16 year old girl for a whole evening.

Shite, I thought, she can't play poker, and she can't drink,
what he fuck am I gonna do with her?

You know what?
It was cool.
We watched Masterchef and took the piss.
We watched The Mentalist and got spooked.
I looked at her prom pictures (we do proms?) on Facebook and admired her dress and all her friends' groucho eyebrows (am I missing something, but is it good that 16 year old girls look like desperate over tanned divorcees showing off their knickers in Wetherspoons wearing shite cast offs from Strictly Come Dancing?).

We've even decided to cut my fringe and dip dye her hair at the weekend.

Her mum is going to fucking kill me.

And this is for you, darling blipper.