It's been a funny day...

The sun was crackin' the pavements so MrsDB (despite my not inconsiderable protestations) decided we'd have a walk along the beach. Whinge as I like - and I did - it made no difference to her ambitions - we were going walkies.

By the time I'd found a parking space amongst the dozens of little people carriers and avoided the other idiots in the car park the sun had gone in again. I had the misfortune to want the same space as the woman behind me so she just accelerated through the inside of my orderly queue with two wheels on the grass and pulled in front. "Ho hum" I said.

We walked along the pebbles 'til her nibs spotted a spot to stop for lunch. Naturally it was the spot farthest away from the sea beneath the crumbling cliffs. After my H&S tantrum she chose a different spot where I could at least see the ocean.

She produced a picnic from her make-up bag which also contained enough used car park stickers, paper hankies and Asda/Sainsbury/Morrison receipts to wall paper a medium sized netty.

I hesitated to call it 'a picnic' for fear of harassment by the Picnic Police but I'm sure it contained enough ingredients to be entered in that class. A hint of ham - because it's bad for me - was wrapped in brown bread - because it's good for me (even though I hate it) and enough rabbit food to start a market garden. All cleverly constructed to self destruct on removal from the Wonderloaf wrapper.

For the rest of the afternoon I was grinding on grains of sand, sucking granary bits the size of airgun pellets from my teeth and hacking on raggy pieces of limp lettuce that refused to pass through me in either direction. I love bloody picnics.

As i happily retreated from the hell that is known as the seaside I spotted these weeds just before the sun went in.

"Blip it", I thought. "Bloody Blip it".