Boat

I said last year that this was a once in a lifetime experience.

Well, this year the client/friend was in Ibiza for the summer and invited us on his yacht for the day.

Which is nice.

I would have preferred it if his partner; ex model, 6ft, 10 years younger than me, size 0, looks amazing in no makeup and three changes of bikini in one afternoon, had been a little bit more unattractive.

I had agonised the night before about which swimming costume (serious only one piece action here) I should wear with which throw. How I could lose 2 stone before boarding, emergency lipo? Perhaps I could just chop off a leg to distract from the wobbly bits.

Could I find a last minute chemical hair straightening salon to stop my hair frizzing as soon as it saw the sea.

I picked my best cossie (think Speedo hold you in model not Prada) and a kaftan thing I had previously rescued from the pile of stuff to go in the charity bag at home.

Why if it was discarded at home I thought it was suitable sit next to a model on a yacht attire I'll never know.

Suffice to say, we boarded, the two, yes two nannies were introduced (the couple have two small children and had employed a spare nanny for the day, just in case) and we were told to relax.

Which is nice

Unless you feel like the fat kid in the team line up who never gets picked, whilst the model tells you about the Insanity workout they have been doing for the last 60 days, whilst changing into a third bikini.

I did my best, and ploughed through the Veuve to make it all better.

And, we did really have a very nice day, because the client is really rather lovely, incredbily generous and his partner , despite her attractiveness is, well you know......I'm just jealous, and I can't think of many better places to watch the sunset.