The Scorpion King

"The News of the World" gave this film a four bottle of beer review.  This is the sort of recommendation no serious filmgoer can ignore so me and Malcolm went along despite the fact that a cheesy spinoff of an inferior sequel starring a wrestler named "The Rock" really doesn't sound like a good prospect.
 
(Incidentally, don't you think it cruel of Mr. and Mrs. Rock to name their 
child "The"?  Still, at last he fared better than his two brothers "Blackpool" 
and "Adult Oriented".)                                                          
                                                                                
It's the story of Mathias (The Rock) who's hired to kill a sorcerer who's been helping Evil Warlord Memnon to conquer the civilised world and parts of Wales as well.  However, the sorcerer is in fact A Woman Who Wears Very Little Clothing so Mathias kidnaps her instead and there's a whole karmic true love vibe thing between them.  Memnon doesn't take this lying down and there's a big climax with flames, arrows, axes, swords and snakes all over the place.         
                                                                                
Let's get this straight: "The Scorpion King" is badly acted, has a story that 
makes no sense, a plot with more holes than a crocheted sweater and a cliched script.  Apart from that it's really quite good.  No-one takes it seriously andit skips over the plot holes at a clip.  Our only gripe was Memnon who's not a great baddie.  As Malcolm said he sounds too much like he went to grammar school in Croydon for a barbarian. 

But that aside, "The Scorpion King" is much better than I  had any right to expect and reminded me of films like "The Thief of Baghdad" and "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad".  I fully expected Oliver Tobias, Sabu the Elephant Boy and Xena to pop up at any moment.                 
                                                                               
Heck, I'll give it 5 bottles of beer.  You can't say fairer than that.          
                                                                            
"I'm here for the woman.  And your head."