Mondovino

I don't know anything about wine.  I pretend to, but I do not.  You could stick me down with a box of chateau cardboard and I would be none the wiser.  What I actually like about wine is drinking it and then talking rubbish about it.  "I'm getting blueberry with a hint of old carpet," I say.  It is great fun, but seriously, I could be fooled by Vimto with a dash of lemon.

Nevertheless I enjoyed this documentary.  It opens in Volnay, Burgundy where wine has been grown "since the Gauls".  The estates are run by Hubert de Montille & family and their Domaines de Volnay wine is cultivated on hillsides known as "Les Taillepieds" where its taste is infused with the local terroir.  See what I mean?  I am totally fluent in bullsh*t.

"Terroir" is important.  It is the essence of the local landscape, evoked by careful working of the soil, making its way into the grape and finally bursting into life after the wine has been allowed to mature.  It is ALL ABOUT the terroir.  You need to remember that the next time you quaff wine thoughtfully in a restaurant, "I can definitely  taste Les Taillepieds," you can say while hoping that "taillepied" doesn't mean "fanny" or "testicle" in French.

There is money - a lot of it - in wine which has lead to THE FORCES OF GLOBALISATION intruding.  If you could hum the theme to "The Empire Strikes Back" at this point it would make my review way more dramatic.  

The Mondavi family have their estates in California.  But as a youthful industry, the Californians have yet to "unlock their terroir".  So the Mondavis hook up with the Mouton-Rothschilds in Bordeaux to create a Super-Winery and a new brand (Opus One - which even SOUNDS like a super-secret evil project).  They "fake" terroir (says Hubert) by using virgin oak barrels to infuse their wine with the taste of vanilla.  A "hooker trick" says Hubert.  "This wine.... it comes on to you, then drops you."

Hubert is pretty bloody awesome actually, he is a one of those grumpy old b*ggers who speaks his mind and stuff you if you don't like it.  He clearly loves annoying his son & daughter - 

SON:  Wine is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration.  Wine is vigour.
HUBERT: Those are just cliches for journalists.  This lot aren't fooled so easily.

Opus One has been designed to appeal to one man - Robert Parker.  He is THE wine critic.  A word from Bob can cause your wine to sell or to crash.  And while he comes across as a nice enough chap, he has a preference for strong bodied, rich coloured reds.  So now the Bordeaux wines - traditionally finer and more delicate - are "Parkerizing" themselves.  Seriously.  Look up "Parkerization of Wine" and you'll find Bob.

Meanwhile, the Mondavis are on the move again - this time into Tuscany, where they plan to hook up with the aristocratic Frescobaldis to get a foothold there as well...

No-one in Mondovino is portrayed as bad or evil, which is rather nice for a change.  These are just people - some of whom are passionate about branding - some passionate about terroir - but all passionate about family and wine.  I came away from it seeing both sides, but feeling a bit sad that the smaller wineries are being driven out of existence by Natural Selection in the marketplace.  I still can't taste that terroir though.

DAUGHTER:   Wine reflects the personality of the winemaker.  Father's wines are acerbic.. sometimes too austere...
HUBERT: Absolutely!  I can be odious!  And proud of it!
DAUGHTER:  It sometimes takes a while to appreciate a wine.
HUBERT: Sometimes years.  But eventually, you will drink me.