Looking demented…

He’s found a frozen over puddle and he’s delighted… he he is crunching the ice …

I had my first grief counselling session today .
I am struggling to get past giving my Daddy CPR and knowing as I did so that I was too late …. But I tried anyway . So much went on that day … I spoke to him and he said he was going for a lie down… there was no indication anything was wrong… he just said he was tired … so my last conversation with him was about ‘ can you feed my tomato plants and lock my office ‘ …
Also I’ve never mentioned the film crew that turned up with paramedics and asked to FILM my dead dad and my mother crying … little Po was with me and mum ( her parents live in the same apartment complex) and her husband Big Si was also with us and he gave them 60 seconds to leave … it was surreal… everything.


Dad’s office was here at our house and his tomato plants were in my ( became his ) greenhouse …
I saw my dad almost EVERY DAY .

I’m not speaking to two people now because they think 5 months is plenty of time to get over it .
This is the very reason I keep my social circle very small …too many assholes with stupid things to say .

Anyway I’m going mad … more so than ever before.