My Reputation's Never Been Worse

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

The FOBS love Caro.

However, with the exception of Fazzy, they don't really know her. Briar and Olivia have met her, but never really had the chance to talk to her. 

They love her because of the stories I tell them at work. 

For example, yesterday I relayed to them the story of how I was walking home down our street yesterday when Caro drove up alongside me. 

"Kwwoooooar!! Look at that!" she cat-called. 

"Hey!" I replied.

"Blululululululuulullulu!" she said, doing something disgusting with her tongue. 

"Stop that!" I said, looking around. 

But she followed me the whole way home, being rude. 

The FOBS thought this was hilarious. "I'm going to do it to Matt!" claimed Olivia. 

And today, Spotify Unwrapped was revealed. This is the summary of your listening habits for the year. 

The shock headline was that both Briar and I had Taylor Swift as our number two. I blame Briar for giving me her Tay-Tay playlists to try. But in the end, she was edged out by The Beatles who I had as my #1. 

As you may know, Spotify gets the artists to record thank you messages to their fans. Last year I got a very nice message from First Aid Kit. 

However, this year Paul McCartney disappointed me by not thanking me for listening to The Beatles. But despite her #2 status, Taylor called me personally to thank me for listening to her music.

I played her message to Caro, who was giving me sh*t for having Tay-Tay at number two at the time. 

"It's okay to be a c*nt!" Caro shouted at Taylor. "You don't have to be so f*cking nice all the time!"

I reported this back to the FOBS, who were also giving me sh*t about Taylor. 

"Caro is my type of woman," replied Olivia.

I'm not sure. It's possible she's a bad influence. 

I'm worried for Matt.

S.

p.s. Auslaender, I'm very fond of this song. And if I close my eyes and concentrate, I can pretend it's a new wave synth song by Laura Brannigan from 1981. And feel slightly less ridiculous for "having the musical taste of a 26 year old girl" as my wife put it.