Menenza

Menenza, my mum, passed away aged 87.

After two years of gradual decline she suddenly became very unwell and on Thursday evening I was told it would be a matter of a couple of hours. The palliative team advised me not to drive at night as I would be very unlikely to get there in time. I got to Plymouth at midday Friday and to everyone’s amazement she was still fighting.

We stayed with her until Sunday morning when I became convinced she was waiting to be alone - I know you hear those stories so many times but my stepdad was sceptical, he wouldn’t leave because he is the most loyal and dedicated person I have ever met. In the end I persuaded him, we left at 11 and she passed away at 11.45.

We had said our goodbyes and we were just so relieved that she had finally found peace. She went on her own terms.

One of the most moving moments was when one of the carers came in to see her, it was late on one of the nights, he was a young man and he amazed us by telling us all about her childhood and her family. He knew in such detail about her life, he said she used to be unsettled at night and he’d sit with her and listen.

It’s a little unreal at the moment after 2 years of constant worry and years before that of endless guilt about being so far away. In the last few months at the care home, which is 5 minutes from the house, my stepdad went every day to see her and returned to being her partner and companion rather than her carer, and it has given them some real quality time.
The staff there are completely amazing, I’ll never be able to thank them for what they’ve done these last months and especially in the last days - just incredible the dedication and care they have shown above and beyond - certainly above and beyond what they’re paid to do, and the level of respect given to their profession.

It has hit me harder than I thought it would. After all the stress of the last few years I’d forgotten the good memories but they’re flooding back now along with all sorts of guilt about things that I’m sure don’t matter a bit.

I’ll stay here now for a few days, there are things to sort out but not that much really, she had a simple life, she worked hard, loved her family, never asked nor expected anything from other people, and was kind. Can’t say fairer than that.