Nineteen Hours on a Cushion

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

Do you ever remember something really pointless? But like, something you honestly SHOULDN'T remember because it's so long ago?

My mum used to get "Weekend" magazine in the 70's and 80's. I don't know if you remember it. It was a mix of celeb gossip, everyday prurience and wacky "Sunday Sport" type reporting. 

I'm looking at some old covers from the internet now.

- "I Love Being Every Man's Fantasy says TV's Felicity Kendall"
- "Four Page Colour Supplement Pull Out - Emmerdale's 1000th Episode"
- "Trapped Upside Down in a Waterfall - TRUE LIFE DRAMA" 
- "Rommel's Ghost Still Haunts His Old Battlefields"
- "READER'S TRUE-LIFE DRAMA - I Drifted for 19 Hours On a Cushion!"
- "Secret Desire of Sexy Jaclyn"*

So it wasn't exactly top journalism, is what I'm saying.

HOWEVER, there used to be song lyrics in there! This was very exciting in the days before "Smash Hits". I remember me and my sister looking at the lyrics to "Turning Japanese" and "Dance Away" and "Disco Duck" and singing along to them in her bedroom. 

AND there was the occasional Top Tip in there as well. Obviously aimed at housewives who were the main target for this mag, and not actually their pre-teen offspring. 

All of this info was DEEPLY BURIED in my psyche until today. What happened was THIS. Caro lost one of her earrings in the car!

"Oooh!" I said, remembering a Weekend Top Tip for finding earrings in hard-to-find places. 

"It's okay, I found it again," said Caro. 

"Oh," I said. Crestfallen.

Caro asked me what was up. I told her the Weekend Top Tip, which was to put a stocking over the end of your Hoover tube and then just SUCK up the lost earring from that hard-to-find place!

"That IS pretty clever," agreed Caro.

"Yeah," I said, sadly.

"Do you want me to lose it again?" asked Caro, helpfully.

For a moment, I thought about it.

"Best not," I said. "It probably won't work. And you'll end up losing the earring for good. And the stocking will get ruined when the vacuum eats it and then the vacuum will need to get repaired to have the stocking removed."

Caro nodded sagely. 

But for a moment there, I was a ten-year-old on the couch back in Scarborough again, being mildly freaked out by SECRET EVIDENCE of ANCIENT ALIENS in CORNWALL!

Also - 

NINETEEN hours on a CUSHION??? How did that even happen?

S.

* Smith. 

p.s. I sent this picture of Crashy to Olivia because Cute Cat. But all she could say was "WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON TV??? IT LOOKS TERRIFYING".

It WAS a show about serial killers (Caro loves this sort of thing) but good grief.