Pressure

Today has been too much.

I had agreed to go for lunch with a friend and her boys. I was apprehensive as soon as I woke and thought about cancelling but didn't want to let her down as she was doing a nice thing for me. Part of the apprehension was about being out and about when supposedly 'off sick'. I didn't want anyone to see me and think I was skiving off.

Anyway after a mid-morning sleep (damn I thought I was over those) I got ready. When we got to the café (La Cerise) I felt so out of place and just wanted to be at home. I kept going and tried hard to concentrate on the conversation. It was hard.

After lunch L suggested going for a wander and I had mentioned a curtain shop a while back that I was going to look in for bedroom curtains. We walked along, my body feeling so heavy and me so tired I just wanted to close my eyes. We got to the shop and I found a pair of curtains that I liked (only 3months after completing my bedroom!)
L dropped me off at home while she took her boys to the park. I headed up to the dr's to get my prescription and came home.

I was ever so glad to get in and I just sat in the hall and cried. Then went for another sleep.

The book that I ordered (Depressive Illness, The Curse of the Strong) eventually came today so I started reading it. It felt too close to home and it was upsetting me more, I'll come back to it.
I am also very aware that I only have four more days then I am back at work, which is also a very big pressure.

After tea at Mum's with family I wandered down to the harbour for the sunset. A beautiful night with a few other photographers there.