Coming back to life?

Today has been mixed.
I had a rough night. A lot of pain, I suspect from being on my feet for so long yesterday.
So I went to work in a state that at best could be described as uncomfortable, knowing full well that I was going to be on my feet all day running around the classroom supporting my Yr10 students with their ICT coursework.
To the tune of 4.73 miles from 9am to 3pm.


Emotionally its been strange too. Possibly tiredness. Possibly hormones. Possibly a combination of anticipation of new job roles, worry about managing change, abject horror at the sheer amount of stuff I need to do before Friday lunchtime. Feeling a bit isolated, like I am not fitting back in. So I am finding myself getting angry, building walls, being generally a big fat cow bag, in order to protect myself from the feeling that something is not quite right.

It was with a certain amount of relief that I found myself weeping in a colleagues office this afternoon and found that the feelings I am having are not "just me". That reassured me a bit, but made me cry more. I know I am out of sorts because I allowed a hug to be administered. I hope my colleague knows that aside from being mortified at the crying bit, I am glad of the support and shared understanding.

So when I came home this afternoon and crashed on the sofa feeling like the world could quite happily end, I noticed the little flashing LED on the side of my Pink Floyd Pulse album. It stopped pulsing a long time ago. It used to annoy the life out of someone who used to be part of my life. It stopped pulsing, they felt smug.

Well, my lovely husband dismantled the internal case, put a new battery in and brought it back to life, which put a smile on my face and gave me a reason to giggle at the silliness of getting upset over the flashing red LED.

So, if that little light, long gone I thought, can be restored then so can I. You will be pleased to know that I stopped moping and went to the gym. I feel better although I know that tomorrow will bring another 5 hours on my feet and tomorrow it will hurt again.

I just wish I could transfer how this feels to other people so they could experience it and realise that although I am doing well I am still not 100% and they need to just be patient.