Three French Hens....

Firstly, many thanks to everyone for the delightful messages on my birthday...they were much appreciated. I apologise for not responding properly, but for the past ten days I've been in France....with the GB Olympic Team.

Obviously, I was there in the position of Almost Doctor, and my goodness, you won't believe the emergencies I've had to deal with.

For example, there was a terrible stabbing.....(Tom Daley dropped a stitch and lacerated himself with his own crochet hook). Someone's skin turned bright green.....(an 'artistic swimmer' accidentally used water soluble crayons in the pool. She'll be a fetching shade of lime for at least a year.) There was a shocking incident during the women's relay, when Femke Bol claimed the GB team had attacked her with a tarantula.......(it turned out to be one of Dina Asher-Smith's false eyelashes which had detached itself and landed on Femke's tummy.)

Obviously when I wasn't assisting our team, I was happy to interfere with help the rest of the world stay calm and focused. There was a Polish vaulter called Walter with an over polished pole...a lass from Hellas, who alas, came last....a Finnish one who didn't finish, never won....they were all the beneficiaries of my medical expertise.

I'll be home soon, after I fix a puncture for Sir Chris Hoy ......(his blow up Sharron Davies has deflated again).......