All Change...

I got this beautiful card and some Mamas and Papas vouchers from my colleagues... it took me a few days to open it as I'm a bit like that...;-) It was nice to read all the messages, they have been very supportive and encouraging through what can only be described as a very bumpy ride thus far!

I've felt sick every day since the end of January (the 28th to be exact) which has meant showing up for work and being compassionate, excited and engaged to teach 30 four year-old's has been well, a struggle.. 

My little team have been so supportive (there's 7 of us); from keeping it a secret in the early terrified months, to cheering me on and keeping me afloat when I've felt really unwell and fed up. I won't forget how some of them cried each time I came back from a scan with good news :-) 

But it's weird. Because I'm not leaving, but yet it's an ending of sorts. My maternity leave doesn't start until 9th September, so I technically have to go back in for two days at the start of term, although not to teach 'my' class, although I've met them all etc. It just feels a bit strange, and I will miss it, I think. By the end of term on Friday though, I was just so done with dragging myself in every day, and desperately wanting some respite from the early starts and warmer days. 

I'm utterly terrified of what's coming, and yet excited to meet the little person I've been growing. The wonders of IVF mean this is possible, and something I feared might not be for me, so to have gotten this far (32 weeks) is something I hadn't necessarily thought would happen. 

So now instead of making the most of the six week vacation, I find myself in a strange phase of trying to make sense of bottles/muslins/cribs, the absolutely extortionate cost of the most necessary item, the 'travel system' etc... you get the idea! Never has my head felt so muddled, and I'm definitely in a minimalist phase, although feeling slightly panicked that I'm so unprepared. 

What will be will be, so they say, and I shall have to make some headway with it over the coming weeks. Technically I've picked a travel system and a crib, they just need to be ordered, and once this horrible heatwave has finished, I might be able to do a bit of a browsing and shopping. 

Very much looking forward to the coolness of September, but also happy that we're not there quite yet.

Six weeks to go.....


What have I done?