And The Nominations Are...

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

I had to write this before I forgot it. I had a bizarre conversation with Caro just now.

We are watching Aussie dating show, "Farmer Wants A Wife". Look I'm not proud. It's really trashy. In the show, a bunch of women attempt to woo eligible farmer bachelors by basically tossing their hair and giggling at them REALLY HARD.

Then they come away from their time with the farmer and they say things like OMG THERE WAS SUCH A CONNECTION!!!!

And the farmers tend to say things like, "Yeah. She's a top girl. Yeah."

It is SUCH a feminist show.

But that is not my whole point. My whole point is that these women are now ESCALATING their farmer-wooing activities. Hair-tossing and giggling were just phase one. 

Now we're in the griping and sniping about each other phase. And they're trying to out-do each other. Or rather, out-boob each other. Any chance they get to flash their Charlies at the farmer, they'll take it. 

One woman decided to have a bath with her farmer last night. This caused a storm of protest from the other bachelorettes. But it also caused me to muse aloud that me and Caro have never ever taken a bath together. 

IT'S LIKE SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO WOO ME

"We would have got stuck," said Caro. 

It's a fair point. I remembered that episode of "Still Game" where Victor gets stuck in the bath and Isa sees his willy. 

And this led us to today's main topic of conversation. If me and Caro were stuck in the bath, who would we call to help un-stick us?

Not Briar. Briar we eliminated early on. She would be freaked out just at the idea of SPEAKING ON THE PHONE to naked people in a bath. 

Or Shenee. We'd never hear the end of it. And Shenee's Craig would take pictures and make memes. So just no.

I suggested Jefe. But Caro vetoed him on account of she doesn't want him to see her in the nip. Manda was disqualified because she'd want to bring Jefe. 

Tiger is out because he's quite squeamish at the sight of blood. 

"Who said there would be BLOOD?" I asked, horrified.

"Well who knows?" replied Caro enigmatically. "And anyway if he's squeamish about THAT..." 

Fair point. Caro said Loulou might be better. But I wasn't so sure. She IS very practical and down-to-earth but I don't know if I could look at her again after. 

In the end we settled on Mo. Mo is a good bloke. He is very down to earth and calm and nothing phases him. He's the sort of bloke who would look away and pass you a towel. Then he'd pop out to the stores for lube and a dislodging paddle. 

Obviously you two were disqualified for geographical reasons. But just so you know, you are also disqualified for "pishing yourselves laughing" reasons. 

S.