Deaths door?!

I've gone from page 3 stunna to totally stunned; a colleague of Mr A's messaged him this morning to say she had seen me on the front page of the Mail online!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This article is beyond belief; totally inaccurate and news to me as I thought it was a piece for the local rag!!! Journalists! Pffffft!!
The article reads as though I am terminally ill and recording my final days! I'm going nowhere yet thank you very much ;-)
Out of interest, Mr A did a google search and my story has gone global. Me? Internationally known?? Shut the front door!!!!