Extraordinary Meeting

After Elsie had performed on the trapeze the committee prepared to  address the agenda.  Few realised it had a Crewe postcode.


With her usual air of asperity Deidrie called the meeting to order by slamming her clipboard against the tea urn.


Under Item 1 (Committee positions) Elsie asked if she could swap seats to be next to Gladys.  Gladys happily agreed to sit on Erik's lap.


In 'Forthcoming Events' Elsie confirmed the planned bingo wouldn't be going ahead because of a local outbreak of tombola.


In a pause between items 4 and 5 Enid confirmed Brenda was still having it off with the coalman.  (Earlier Brenda had sent in apologies indicating it was her bath night).


Under Item 6 - 'Catering for the forthcoming Synod' Jessie, who hated to hear any praise of Enid's culinary skills, asked her (ascerbically) if  she could post her a slice of her soup.  With the correct stamp on it.


When Agnes was rummaging through her oversize Berkin Sellier 25 Epsom in Havan handbag (for her library book) Christine noticed it also contained the largest inhaler she'd ever seen.  The Kirk Beadle's eyebrows were raised when she later removed it and put it on charge.  Thankfully the Minister was indisposed.


Under Apologies Jessie indicated her Andy was still under the weather.  Dan asked her if she had taken up his suggestion of trying him with Bob Martin pills.  She reported she had but he kept chasing sticks.


For the forthcoming christening Jean asked if Mrs Flett Snr would be free to play the linoleum.  Davie indicated she has a flair for it.


When it came to donations everyone was sitting on them so Deidre asked for a show of hands.  It was minuted that Davie was wearing marigolds.


Big Bill said "Na na min, it kinno be.  Jist wait a meenit.  Me Chenet wur ferly stunned when shae read yon meenits.  She cam' back tae the kitcheen ferly barmin' and gied me an aafil time.  Shae widno hiv cairried on like yin if id  wir her wharr wrott yon meenits.  It's cheust a pit-on."


It was like being present at the birth of speech.


It was unanimously agreed that Iain@Creel would not be allowed to attend any future meeting.