DirtyButter

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

Today I discovered a new thing about our marriage. I'm not sure it will survive.

Caro and I are BUTTER INCOMPATIBLE.

I went to the tub and found that Caro was a BUTTER EXCAVATOR. 

Yes! She had dug a HOLE in the middle of the butter! There was a massive PIT in the butter!

I am a "surface scraper". My knife GLIDES across the surface of the butter like a figure skater on ice. It's a beautiful thing.

"Bah!" said Caro. "I WOULD have been a surface skater, but you left the butter in the fridge and it was like a ROCK. I was FORCED to excavate."

Well that's all right then. Marriage off the rocks. 

"But," she went on.

Uh-oh.

"I HATE the way you put the CRUMBS back in the butter!" she went on, quite unreasonably in my book. 

I mean, a chap has to scrape excess butter off the knife, surely. And what's a few crumbs between friends?

"It's DIRTY butter!" Caro added. 

I promised to do better in future. And I told her about duck butter. Which is another type of dirty butter altogether.

Which put things nicely into perspective, I feel.

S