Very Britisch

Aldi (southern Germany) has as next Thursdays special offer a "Very British" selectiion.
Irish lamb and rumpsteak, even correctly spelt whiskEy. Have to look a bit closer to see "Taste of the British Isles" so OK that's cleared up but whether son-in-law Barry and daughter Kate in Co.Cavan are in agreement with "very old whiskey" meaning it is at least 3 year's old is doubtful.
Can we let the "Fish & Chips" with Alaskan sea salmon and steakhouse style chips through?
Have to explain the chips and the other chips mix up. In Germany, chips are "pommes" and crisps are"chips" that is unless the chips are served with fish and then called British fish & chips, when they are of course not pommes. Confused? OK lets try sorting out the jam from the marmalade. Jam in Germany is called"marmalade" no not marmalade, try going a bit heavier on the back half - marmaLARDER - that was easy, wasn't it but before I forget british orange marmalade is in practice not known here but you may see orange marmalade on the shelves which could be jam (and probably ineible) or it could be marmalade, no no not marmalarder, marmalade in which case it is probably well past its "Best by" date as no German would freely eat the stuff, possibly bying it as a visit pressie for an ex Pat who hates the stuff and has a cupboard full of out of best by jars.
So next week we will be washing down the baked beans with England's classic Buck's Fizz - no not their latest Eurovision entry - the 1921 drink which really is very very old, even older than the offered "Clotted Cream" flavoured black tea. Apart from northern Germany where they understand, respect and cultivate the tradition of a good black tea, the rest consider hot water contaminated with anything resembling a plant leaf to be "TEA". It has been a futile 23 year campaign to get them to call the limped, usually urine coloured, stuff "Infusion".
Talking of which (urine ............etc) I consented to remaining a further 24 hours to allow the antibiotics time to wash out the awful filthly urine coloured liquids offered at breakfast, lunch and supper (or should that read "tea"?
All very confusing and still have no explanation why I was forced to move rooms and why the signs now read Psychiatry.
So lovely uK ....sorry this includes Scotland and Ireland) Blipers book your Ryanair flight from Dublin, Edinburgh or Stanstead for Thursday, boycott Aldi UK and over to Memmingen to fill (Ryanair weight allowance) with beans and bucks fizz.

Why are those two men coming towards me with a white jacket........