We Didn't Watch It

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellow,

Everyone at work knows that I'm the Reality TV Guy.

It is all Caro's fault. Ever since she introduced me to "Club Reps Uncut" back in 1999.

These days Caro watches much more of it than me. She has the HayU app on her phone which means she has access to all the "Below Decks" and "Real Housewives". 

I do not watch these. 

But we do watch "Married At First Sight" together, of course. I have managed to suck Briar in as well. 

I'VE NEVER HATED SOMEONE I'VE NEVER MET AS MUCH AS I HATE JACK she texted.

Jack totally deserves Briar's hatred. Don't get me started.

Caro and I have also discovered "Night Cops" lately. Sadly they only ever made one season of this but it's HILARIOUS. It's the story of the poor police officers who take care of Brighton streets after hours. 

Most of their job is trying to cajole drunks into not beating the sh*t out of each other, or weeing in the streets. "I just saw a willy turning and running away," one cop commented to the other, when they caught a wee-er in the act.

However, our favourite Night Copper story was from a middle-aged lady who had been doing this for some time. She told her partner how she heard a "really tiny" lady screaming and went to investigate. 

The tiny lady ("she was like four foot nothing") was not happy despite the offer of help from the nice policewoman. 

"F*CK OFFFFFF!!" the tiny lady screamed. "F*CK OFFFFF YOU C*******NT!!!"

"And when I looked closer," said the police officer, "I could see that it was Barbara Windsor!"

"Did Barbara Windsor call you a C*NT??" asked her partner. 

The policewoman seemed quite proud to admit that yes, yes she did.

Luke does not understand why Caro and I like such shows. But he said maybe we'd like "Prison Brides" which is the only reality show he enjoys.

We tried it but quickly came to the realisation that Luke needs to watch more trash to improve his viewing standards. There was no "cupping", no "immunity challenges" and no Barbara Windsor.

We gave it five minutes. 

S.