Oz Experience

Other stops along the way included the Bay of Islands, The Bay of Martyrs and The Twelve Apostles, which are 12 standing pillars of rock in the ocean. We stood watching the surf pound into them with Kim and Ann who suddenly asked me what ocean it was: 

KIM: It's the Pacific, you should know - you were swimming in it. 
ANN: When?! 
KIM: When you were drunk that time. Don't you remember? 
ANN: I wasn't swimming. I was paddling. 
KIM: Your ass was WET. That constitutes swimming. 

While on our way to the 12 Apostles, Caro got separated from me, and an American guy insinuated himself between us. Caro didn't notice and went HAPPILY ON talking away, as she does, but realising she wasn't getting any response turned around and found a complete stranger listening to her. 

CARO: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else.
MAN:  It's ok - just sounded like nag, nag, nag, to me anyway.
ME:      Did I miss anything important?
MAN:  (Sourly) Not really.

Then we drove along to Loch Ard Gorge, and once again Rosco gave us the background. It seemed there was this big shipwreck there, and the only survivors were a boy called Tom and a girl called Eve. Tom was dragging himself up the beach when he heard Eve's cries for help and went back to get her, "Then he pulled her into a cave, gave her some whisky and then shagged her senseless before going to get help." 

(Pause) 

"He didn't really shag her senseless. I just made that up to make sure you were paying attention." 

Rosco's monologues were very entertaining. On another occasion he said, "We're now coming into the town of Peterborough. Anyone here from Peterborough in the UK?..... No-one. Great. Well I was just trying to make conversation. I'll shut up then will I?"

So we pottered down to the gorge, which was bloody impressive and you could almost imagine the wreck as the waves CRASHED through this narrow inlet and went smashing up onto the beach. 

Mind you, it was difficult making your way along, not so much because of the waves and sand but because we got caught in the crossfire of masses of Japanese cameras. I swear, six months from now, hundreds of Japanese families will be looking at pictures of me walking along a beach and saying, "Who the hell is this handsome fellow?"  It was here that Kim got shoved into the water by an old lady, which was a source of great amusement to us all. 

Having laughed at Kim, there was nothing left to do but go back to the coach when suddenly an American guy stopped Caro in mid-sentence.

"Still nagging eh?" he said.