Melbourne

I should probably say some words here about Reg and Jacinta.  I didn't feel like I knew them particularly well, I had only met them about 3 times before and then at relatively big gatherings where you don't really get a chance to properly interrogate someone.  However, having spent five days studying them, I feel I can make the following judgements:
 
Reg is a Total Sweetie.  He's Scottish and lived in (mostly) Edinburgh working at various jobs, which by the sound of it involved mainly Bunking Off, Farting About and Having a Bit of a Laugh.  He went on to start his own business ferrying bands all over the UK.  During his travels, he met up with Carter USM and even played football with a post-Take-That-pre-superstardom Robbie Williams before a University Gig.  "He was crap," said Reg (meaning the gig - I couldn't say about the football.)  But he added he felt sorry for Robbie who was obviously so swamped by assistants and managers he hardly had any time to himself.  On another occasion Reg was taking a group named Finitribe to Glastonbury to perform; it was like a dream come true for all of them - Reg even got to see Primal Scream live.  However, on the day of the gig some idiot had gone into the tent where Finitribe were to perform to suck up the mud with an industrial cleaner.  Unfortunately, The Portaloo Gods were against Reg  that day and effluent from the chemical toilets was sprayed all over the tent when the "blow" instead of "suck" switch was thrown.  "There was nothing to do except go home," said Reg, "it was heartbreaking".  
 
That's Reg's history.  After he picked us up, he welcomed us to his flat, sat us down, brought us tea and chocolate and wouldn't let us do a thing.  "You can go out if you want, not that I'm asking you to go out.  Or you can just stay in and chill, just whatever and yeah..."  When I asked him if I could do anything, he replied, "You can sit and enjoy yourself, or if you can't do that then you can fuck off."  When someone tells you that forcefully to enjoy yourself you don't argue.  

Jacinta is a Melbourne girl with a seemingly HUGE family, all of whom love Reg with the exception of her gran who can't help but remember When Jacinta Dated An Aussie Cricketer.  The two of them met in Edinburgh and they really are an extremely lovey couple.  I mean; I thought me and Caro were demonstrative, but not compared to these two.  But it's not in a yucky way - mainly because Jacinta is a Chick With Attitude in much the same way Caro is and so there's a lot of banter going on as in:
 
JACINTA:  Where's the paper with the movies in?
REG:              Here you go.
JACINTA:    (Now reading another paper).
REG:              Hey!
JACINTA:    Now what?
REG:              You're ALWAYS doing that!  You'll ask me for something, and then it's like 'Ohhh... my nails...'
JACINTA:    (Contemptuous pause).  Stop showing off.
 
Jacinta works with people with mental disabilities, helping them shop and such, and it's obvious she enjoys her work, which is something I can't help but envy.  There's another thing to add about Jacinta which is how INCREDIBLY groovy she is.  Jacinta has a wardrobe that goes beyond fashion - she even puts Caro in the shade and that's WITH the purple and leopardskin boots.  She's also been just about everywhere except South America and puts our rather pathetic attempts at travelling to shame.

The only downside to staying with Reg and Jacinta is that they had no TV!!!  This was pretty shocking stuff.  And it's on purpose.  I mean, it's not like their one tv is in the shop or something and they foolishly have no emergency backup - THEY PHYSICALLY HAVE NO TV but instead spend them time doing silly things like LIVING.  I mean, I'm all for living, but not during a Rockford Files marathon.
 
But the two of them more than made up for their tv deficiency.  The first night we went out to a veggie restaurant in a very cool section of Melbourne where Reg and Jacinta wouldn't let us pay.  I had hoped to repay their generousity by taking the two of them out to see Rich Hall in concert, but sadly Jacinta had strained her neck and had to be installed on the couch with those 90-degrees corner cushions which she had given Reg shit about buying, ("That's for OLD people!!")  She carried this pillow about with her for the entirity of our visit, even taking it with her to the cinema the next day.  THAT was quite an adventure, driving  through the lashing rain with the pillow, and Reg telling us he was taking us via, "the route of looooooove."  Then he added that he hoped Jacinta had remembered to bring the condoms and was that a French tickler hidden in the cushion?  

"You've had sugar, haven't you?" replied Jacinta.
 
After the film, they took us to a very cool pub where jazz music was being played.  Not that I've ever really gotten into jazz in a big way, but it does seem to be the perfect accompaniment to the clink of a glass and getting just slightly squiffy.  Caro and Jacinta were discussing something important like the implications of legalising prostitution I think, while me and Reg discussed the equally important subject of Children's TV Shows of the 1970's ("Do you remember that box that used to open up at the start of 'Camberwick Green'???  That was COOL!!")
 
Brothels are completely legal over here, which I have to say is a good thing.  Let's face it, the amount of money, time and effort wasted on tracking it down and driving it underground in the UK hasn't REALLY worked in stopping it.  It's just made it more dangerous for everyone involved, and funnelled the money directly into the pockets of rather unsavoury people.  You'll also notice that Australia hasn't collapsed into a morass of immorality and/or hedonism with their relaxation of these laws.  I seriously think that UK politicians need to pull their heads out of their arses and join the real world.
 
Speaking of politicians, Jacinta also brought up the horrid subject of the equally horrid Ms. Pauline Hansen.  Jacinta was pissed off because she is the most famous politician in Australia due to her unsavoury views.  The fact that she has only been, COULD only ever be voted in by some constituency in the middle of Buttfuck, Nowhere is not noted by the rest of the world (Jacinta says).  And I think she's right.
 
(Another noteworthy Pauline Hansen story is that she was recently banned from a chain of fashion stores  after the store management said that they didn't want her representing their fashion range.)