A bloody mess

The video makes it look easy.  Just prick your finger (with the supplied pricker) and gently massage it so the blood flows into the container.  Make sure you fill it up to the top yellow line.

That’s the gist of it.  Of course it doesn’t work out like that.

Anniemay and I have decided to get a comprehensive blood test - a full MOT*.  To check for things that are beginning to cross our minds as we get older.  The chances of getting one locally are minimal, so we use an on-line lab run by the NHS. 

Anniemay goes first.  I play nurse (or phlebotomist).  I check that she’s done all the preliminary stuff like washing hands and sterilising the sacrificial finger, before I stab her with the finger pricker.  She doesn’t make much noise. Just one “OUCH!”.

I take the yellow cap off the tube and wait.  A tiny blob emerges.  And that’s it.  I’m no expert but even I can see that this is not going to be enough.  

She tries again; holds her finger over the tube - and misses.  There’s more outside than in. I hold the tube up to her finger while she squeezes.  Both of us end up with bloody fingers.  It gets everywhere.

It takes half hour to fill the tube to the required level.  The process - so simple in the video - needs more dexterity than our aged fingers can manage.  

And then it’s my turn.  Another half hour of bloody mayhem.  The house looks like a crime scene.

Finally we clean up, place the tubes and paperwork in the return packaging and post it to the lab. 

We’ll get the results in a couple of days.  Assuming they have enough blood to work with.  If not, we’ll send the contents of our waste bin.


*For non-UK blippers, this is a test that motor vehicles have to undergo to ensure that they’re road worthy.