Fiji

The thing was, we didn't really go outside very much.  On the two days of sun we laid on the beach but apart from that there wasn't much to do.  

There were hardly any other guests to talk to and we were coming to the conclusion that the staff weren't as friendly as we thought.  We realised this after we made our first complaint.
 
The problem was that the hot water in our bure went out.  We gave it a few hours and then mentioned it at the front desk who told us someone would be along later.  Of course, they never came.  

Then Caro was standing out on the veranda when she saw a family of Australians being moved to another bure.  The Aussie bloked was going ballistic.  "This is the THIRD F*CKING TIME we've been moved and we've only just arrived and THAT F*CKING B*TCH at the front desk doesn't GIVE A SH*T!!"
 
Oh great, thinks Caro, now they're going to think all Australians and New Zealanders are as rude and obnoxious as this guy.  

But he did have a point.  Sometime the next day our hot water was restored - for a few hours - before being cut off again.  We never got it back.  The guy who fixed it was actually pretty good - he offered us a free pitcher of beer (although it's not so good for showering in I found) but the rest of the staff couldn't care less.  The actual resort was run by this tanned-to-within-an-inch-of-her-life chick who spent the entire time floating about with next to nothing on.  We saw her having a heart-to-heart with the Australian the next day.  Caro with her Radar Hearing told me that he was "deeply disappointed" and was going to write "An Official Letter".
 
So Caro and I retreated back into our little wooden world, being awoken every morning by mynah birds which are probably the noisiest creatures on the entire planet although they are quite cute and cheeky.  I spent some time drawing up a list of the number of beds I have slept in since leaving our flat last December - starting with Sue's in Edinburgh and ending in Fiji.
 
I had slept in 28 different beds, visited 37 different places and shat in god knows how many toilets since then.  I also spent some time re-writing my notes on our travels.  What, you thought I was just making all this stuff UP as I go???  Well, yes all right mostly I do although I need the odd note to remind me.  

As I went through my notes I would find the odd surreal word that reminded me of NOTHING.  Looking at those notes just now I seem to have written down the word "urethra" and can't for the life of me figure out why.  It's not the sort of thing you'd think I'd forget.