Hawaii

Film Review: SHREK
ONCE upon a time there was a Sad Little Reviewer.  And the reason he was sad was that he had sat through "The Legend of Bagger Vance" which made The Sad Little Reviewer want to hurt Matt Damon physically.  But that's another story.  

Then The Sad Little Reviewer went to see "Shrek"... 
 
This is the story of Shrek the Ogre, a creature that looks like a cross between Danny de Vito and something that just fell out of your nose.  Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers, doing his Scottish thing) is upset because Lord Farquaad (John Lithgow) has relocated all the fairytale characters into his swamp, including Eddie Murphy as a smart-ass (literally) talking donkey ("That's a big tower. We think Lord Farquaad is compensating for something.") 
 
Thus begins his irreverant quest to rescue Princess Fiona, slay the dragon and defeat Lord Farquaad.  A task not made any easier by the Princess herself (Cameron Diaz) who insists on having a proper fairytale romance with her rescuer, believing him to be a handsome prince... 
 
PRINCESS:  Take off thy helmet.  I wouldst look on thee. 
SHREK:  Oh no thou wouldn't...Est. 
 
But true romance blossoms when Shrek discovers that this isn't some simpering Snow White type he's rescued.  Especially when he sees her lay some "Matrix" moves on Robin Hood's men in order to stop them from doing The Riverdance (trust me, this all makes sense in context). 
 
I encourage everyone to see this film.  It's the best film of its type since 
"The Princess Bride".  And even if you didn't like that movie, this is probably your only chance to see a film that includes scenes of breakdancing pigs, exploding birds, a donkey seducing a dragon, and Cinders b*tchslapping Snow White while at the same time getting in very funny digs at Disney World, WWF wrestling and even Blind Date ("Or will you pick Princess Number One! She's easy!  Kiss her cold dead lips and find out what a live-wire she is!!") 
 
The animation is wonderful, making "Toy Story" look like the "Money for 
Nothing" video and it also boasts a fabulous and witty soundtrack featuring Smash Mouth, eels and, would you believe, John Cale??? 
 
Wonderful and witty, "Shrek" is an instant classic and far too good for 
children.  I just want to watch it all over again to see what I missed first 
time out. 
 
And so The Happy Little Reviewer lived Happily Ever After.  The End. 
 
9/10 
 
DONKEY: Stay back!  I got a dragon and I know how to use it!  I'm a      Donkey On The Edge here!