San Francisco

Despite the human factor it was hard to detract from the charm of the city itself.  We took the trolley down to Pier 39, which according to the leaflets is, “San Francisco's #1 Attraction with 110 specialty shops, 11 restaurants with Bay views, and numerous fun attractions. Located on San Francisco Bay, breathtaking views await visitors at every turn.”

Okay.  I’m not prepared to argue the point that it is the number one tourist attraction.  But one thing you must bear in mind is this:

Tourists Are F*cking Idiots.  

You really do need to replace the word “specialty” in the above paragraph with “cheesy and crap” and “fun” with um… oh hell… let’s go with “cheesy and crap” again.  Pier 39 is dominated by gift shops, t-shirt emporiums and cafes.  Still, one has to wander around these places, it's the first thing they teach you at Tourist School.  As Caro and I headed for the end of the pier to get a look at the Breathtaking Views That Awaited Us At Every Turn, we heard a very strange noise.  It went something like this:
 
urfurfurfurfurfurfurfurfurfurfurfurfurfurfurf!!!
 
You wouldn't BELIEVE the number of sealions down there!  For some reason these lads have decided to hang out on about 40 little floats that have been set up for them in the harbour.  There, they squeeze noisily together, like bad-tempered pensioners on an overcrowded bus, vying for the best position and sitting on each other’s heads.

I should emphasise it’s the sealions that do that.  Not the pensioners.
 
Caro and I spent a highly entertaining thirty minutes just watching them jostling each other, knocking each other into the water, arguing, URF-ing and attempting to sit on each other's heads.  It was great.  Other tourists gathered to watch the fun, tiring of the “specialty” shops.   

Mind you, I shouldn’t mock the shops too much.  Caro bought herself a poster of Elvis's comeback '69 Las Vegas gig on a gold background.  Very tasteful.