Beaky blinder.....

Aries: Tomorrow, an unexpected trip to hospital (don't worry, those 678 stitches will heal quickly) leads to a short stay in a mixed ward.

The bloke in the next bed is a real pain. He snores incredibly loudly (imagine a rhino mating with a Boeing 747), constantly shouts abuse down the phone to his relatives in the US, demands organic, ethically sourced painkillers, and prattles on incessantly about his veg garden (apparently he likes to grow tomatoes shaped like Princess Anne!)

It's only when you try to smother him with a pillow, that you notice his incredibly large ears. And his crown. And the 'I ❤ Camilla' tattoo on his....

Anyway. Don't worry. The Tower of London's quite cosy at this time of year. And the chap in the next cell (Andy? Drew? - something like that) has some hilarious stories about his ex-wife.....