Post Office! Chop chop!

Today I went to the Post Office to post a parcel to my grandson. I had to wait in an enormous Q and needless to say people were getting a bit exasperated  waiting. Anyhow it came to my turn and I put the box on the scales to be weighed and then she said open the chute and put the box in. The chute had a door similar to an oven door and it also had one of these bungee ropes on it so it would close automatically. Well in order to give myself time to put the big awkward box in, I held the door with my left hand and guess what!!!  the tip of my pinky got caught in the bit that had teeth in it to grip it shut!!!
Because the damn thing had teeth, the more I pulled my pinky the more it got jammed in the serrated teeth. I said to the lady behind the counter my finger was stuck, she panicked and asked if we should get the fire brigade!!! By this time everyone and their aunty was leaning round the inside of the post office corner watching with great interest. The woman behind me jumped to my aid and shouted pass me a screwdriver!!! the wuman behind  the glass passed her a ginormous scissor, I knew the wuman trying to help worked in the butchers and I had a vision of what she did to the poor sausages!! " we need a man" cried the butcher wuman, relieved I wasn't about to part company with my rapidly swelling pinkie, the man behind her offered to help.. For God's sakes, he had glasses on like milk bottle bottoms! I thought dear God he's almost feckin blind! What did he do? he opened the big scissors and I said " maybe I can do this myself" as he was totally on the wrong side of me to see what the feck he was doing!!  I finally grabbed the damn scissor off him , opened it out and wedged the blade between the metal teeth and the bottom to give it some leverage. You need a screwdriver said someone from twenty deep in the bloody Q, the wuman behind the counter had her hand on the phone to phone the fire brigade whose depot was about two seconds along from the damn Post office when at last I managed to free the offending pinky from the jaws of death!!! 
Then after all that, the bloody wuman behind the counter said you haven't written all of the post code and she was going to look up the post code for darkest South Uist, I could see the people in the Q by now start to turn mutinous so I just blurted out the post code for the next village along and finally fled with my rapidly swelling throbbing finger. 
Not going back there again for sure!