Frosty Morning

Backblipped 4.12.23.  
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Took a few quick pics out the skylight window before going out for a walk and coffee with a friend.  Knew I wouldn't get much chance for pics as after the walk I'm off to Inverness for the weekly visit with DH.
Arrived at the hotel around 4:30 to find that the hospital had been trying to phone.  DH had already messaged me that he was being transferred to a different unit, as a precaution.  So I contacted the hospital, after several false attempts ('this number does not accept incoming calls') and found that he was being transferred to the High Dependency Unit.  Eventually spoke to a doctor who said his kidney function had gone down to 20%.  If they couldn't rectify that, a risky solution was to put him on dialysis.  So I sat in my room and tried not to worry.
DH had asked for me to bring him some food - his mouth was very dry so he wanted some sweeties, fruit chunks, water, and yogurt drinks, as well as a wrap.  So around 6 I went to the nearby Tesco and picked up two bags full.  I pulled up to the hospital just before 6:30 to find that the hospital had been trying to get in touch again.  As I was just there, I decided just to go into the ward and speak to them in person.
I found they'd been trying to contact me to say that DH was being moved to the Intensive Care Unit (though they seem to call it ITU, don't know what it stands for).  They were doing this just as I arrived.  Someone showed me to the Unit, and I saw DH just as he was being transferred from the gurney to the ward bed.  A brief touch on the arm - a cold cold arm - and I can't remember what I said. He looked so jaundiced too. He had an oxygen mask on and was in no condition to respond, though all the staff said he knew I was there.  Then they set to work, and I was shown to a nearby waiting room.
I occupied my time playing games on the phone.  Around 7:15 pm, the doctor and a nurse came in, and informed me that DH had passed away at around 7.  Instant shock; I wanted to blubber but couldn't.  They were very good.  The doctor explained that in the past hour DH's condition had deteriorated rapidly.  They think he caught an infection during the afternoon.  Even though pumped full of antibiotics for the past two weeks, he developed sepsis, and then general organ failure.  I saw him again a few minutes later, and was very tempted to take a phone pic, but both the doctor and I agreed that that was a memory I didn't want to have.  I still have it, but not in physical form, and that's bad enough.  I touched his arm - even colder now - and said, "Oh, sweetie".  He had been so confident he'd come through chemo and out the other side.
We went into the waiting room again, and we continued discussing what happens next, and they let me stay until I felt ready to go.  
If you've read this far, I apologise for the angst.  
I'm turning off comments for a little while.  There's a lot to process, and I know it will take days, weeks, months, to come to terms.