Craggy

Sometimes buying on the internet can give you a mind-bogglingly poor shopping experience. Step forward 'Black Leaf', a seller in the Amazon marketplace. Take a wee bow. Now turn around and band over while I prepare a size 11 hobnail boot...

A few of weeks back I decided to treat myself to a pair of Vibram 'Five Fingers' trainers. I even blipped them. Weird they are, but with evangelical devotees. And they're not cheap. So when I tried them on, as is probably a good idea with new shoes, especially ones with such a specialist fit, I wore them for about ten minutes. In that time I determined I needed the half size up.

All good, contacted Amazon, slight issue that the seller doesn't do exchanges, so would have to go the refund route. Righto, has to be. I send them back and, wahey, a few days later acknowledgement that they're received and I'll get my refund. At which point the cretinitude begins...

An hour later and I'm informed I won't get the refund as the soles have, and I quote, 'mud and dirt on them'. This, I'm told, means they aren't resalable. I query this response, given the first email. Ah, apparently the first email is just an automatic 'we have your stuff' message. Resisting the temptation to swear like the trooper's more colourful and vocabulary-laden big brother, I point out the monumentally stupidity endowed nature of having an auto-response that tells you you're getting your refund before checking the returned items.

I also disagree with the assessment of the soles (not to be confused with soul-assessment, which in the case of Black Leaf would have them somewhere between Pol Pot and Margaret Thatcher) but say to send them back and I'd consider it all further.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what the mud and dirt encrusted soles look like...

So it would seem I've got to go through a dispute procedure on Amazon (likely to be as painful as watching George Osborne trying to count to 11 without resorting to his toes). Part of the reasoning of Black Leaf is that this 'mud and dirt' proves the shoes have been worn. JUST HOW AM I TO JUDGE THE FIT OTHERWISE? Perhaps staring at them sternly will give me a precise indication of what the shoes will feel like on my feet, but it might also mark me out as some fetishist and I got chucked out of the last shop I was in where I took a plaster cast of my right foot to slip into the shoes.

Black Leaf, I declare you moronic imbeciles from the planet sodoffery.

Sigh.

Anyway, fun pub quiz tonight for friend Ondine's mental half-ironman for charidee.

And thank Crunchie it's Friday tomorrow. You may get my plumber gripe then.