Fire

Yesterday I was devastated to discover that deer had eaten 14 of my roses. I thought my garden was deer-proof. My garden is my support, I put everything into it, it keeps me going just as I keep it going, and at the heart of it all are my roses. My heart went out yesterday, I couldn't see the point of carrying on with the battle with cancer, why not just accept that I'm going to die and try and enjoy my final year or two? Why carry on with this stupid chi gung walking? Why carry on with anything? I wept for half an hour, then went to bed.

But today I did two and a quarter hours of chi gung walking, then gave the poor roses a hard prune - and maybe some of them will give me a flower or two by the end of the summer - and then I carried on working in the garden. I thought I'd blip the fire I've just lit to show that there's still a fire in my heart, it hasn't gone out after all.